Independence Day
by Denise Nicole
Summary: Meditation with Tuvok brings about unpleasant dreams for B'Elanna.


Rated: PG-13  
  
code: P/T  
  
Disclaimer: The story is mine. All characters within belong to Paramount. They just came over to my house for a little while.  
  
  
  
Independence Day  
  
By Denise N. Rodier  
  
  
  
B'Elanna hesitated outside the door to Tuvok's quarters, as she did every week when she came for meditation. It wasn't that she didn't like the Vulcan. Quite the contrary, actually. B'Elanna just hated anybody trying to pick through her brain. Get a hold of yourself, Torres. It's not like Tuvok is judging your thoughts. He's just trying to help you find better uses for them, she mentally berated herself. She shook off her hesitation, and rang the chime.  
  
The door slid open and Tuvok stood in the opening. "Lieutenant," he greeted her. "Your punctuality is appreciated." He turned and led Torres into his quarters.  
  
"Nice to see you, too," she quipped as she took her usual place in front of the small table. Tuvok serenely walked over and set the meditation lamp in front of her. "So, are we going to begin this highly motivational meditation?"  
  
"Patience, Lieutenant, is a virtue fundamental to the attainment of emotional control. You must learn to have patience both with your own feelings, and with those of others."  
  
B'Elanna tapped her foot impatiently. "Sorry."  
  
Tuvok mentally sighed. Patience, Tuvok, is a virtue fundamental to the attainment of emotional control, he told himself. "During our previous meditation session, I do not believe we fully explored your  
  
emotions regarding your parents. Would you care to elaborate on your earlier statements? Specifically those regarding your father."  
  
"Great," she said sarcastically. "Couldn't we talk about something else? I normally try not to participate in one-sided conversations. You could probably tell me more about my father than I could tell you."  
  
Tuvok sat across from Torres and regarded her. "I believe, Lieutenant, that you could tell me more than even you realize. You recently celebrated an important anniversary."  
  
B'Elanna slowly lost her battle of wills with Tuvok. "I think celebrated is the wrong choice of a word, Commander."  
  
"Observed, then. It has been twenty-two years since you have seen your father, correct?"  
  
B'Elanna looked down at her hands.  
  
"You harbor confusion, anger, and resentment towards him. Even today, those feelings are reflected in your reactions to those around you."  
  
B'Elanna slowly looked up, but still did not meet Tuvok's eyes. "Yeah. I guess." Her eyes finally met his. "What do you want to know?"  
  
"Tell me about the week, the day he left," Tuvok replied.  
  
B'Elanna sighed. "You have to understand, Commander, that nothing happened. One night I went to bed, and Daddy tucked me in and kissed me goodnight. The next morning when I woke up, he was gone. No good-byes, nothing."  
  
"Did you ever try to find him?" Tuvok queried.  
  
B'Elanna nodded. "After he left Kessik, he went to Earth for a few days. Then he submitted his resignation to the Starfleet Civilian Authority."  
  
This surprised Tuvok. "Why would he wish to resign?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.  
  
B'Elanna shrugged. "Records say he planned to go exploring on his own. Mother said he was never happy with geology. He would often come home...upset. He would complain to Mother about the 'idiots he worked with' and other such entertaining topics. Anyway, he left Earth soon after that. He never had any contact with me or with Mother."  
  
Tuvok forced the eyebrow back to its normal position. "Was there any indication that he was going to leave?"  
  
"There was nothing. Everything was the same as usual," B'Elanna said sharply.  
  
"Are you certain? I seem to recall you mentioning that your mother was ill," Tuvok prodded.  
  
She blinked at him, not quite understanding what he was asking. "Pardon?"  
  
The Vulcan clarified. "You mentioned that your mother was hospitalized."  
  
"Oh, yes. Mother was in the hospital for a few days." B'Elanna looked away, shrugging off the statement.  
  
"Why?" Tuvok asked.  
  
B'Elanna shifted uncomfortably. "Mama fell."  
  
"How did she fall?" Tuvok didn't usually have to lead the Lieutenant so much.  
  
"I don't remember, exactly." B'Elanna stood and walked over to the window. She looked at the stars for a few seconds before turning back to Tuvok. "It happened while I was...was at school. When Daddy took me to visit her in the hospital, he said that she fell down... down the stairs."  
  
Tuvok watched the half-Klingon pace. "And events after that resumed their normal state."  
  
B'Elanna sat again. "Normal for us, anyway. The fighting stopped for maybe a day, but it started again soon. It actually got worse. It seemed that Mother was always screaming at Daddy, and Daddy was yelling back. They tried to do it when I wasn't around, but I always heard. I always knew. Daddy even yelled at me once or twice, but he apologized right away. He didn't mean to yell at me." B'Elanna paused, thinking.  
  
"After your father left, what happened? How did your mother react?" He watched B'Elanna, who was lost in the memory.  
  
"Mother showed no emotion, like usual. I remember that she had stripped down the house and was washing everything. Everything. Like she was trying to get rid of my father's memory." B'Elanna shook her head in disbelief. "My father couldn't have been gone for more than a few hours and she was trying to erase him, pretend he didn't exist. It's no wonder she drove him off."  
  
Tuvok didn't understand why she came to that conclusion. "Your mother 'drove him off'? That is not a logical conclusion. Both the Human and Klingon species have a tendency to raise their young in a two parent environment."  
  
B'Elanna closed her eyes, briefly. She wasn't sure she could make him understand. "There's nothing logical about any of it, Tuvok. All I know is that Daddy said he would never leave me, never leave me with her. He knew she would drive him off someday, but he said he would take me with him if she did. Well, he left me with her. Left her to drill into me all the Klingon things she couldn't teach me when he was around. She kept him out of my life."  
  
Tuvok could hear the abandoned child in her voice. "Your distress is understandable. Your emotional attachment to your father was a powerful influence on your young life."  
  
B'Elanna turned to look out the window at the stars beyond. "He was my father, my world. Mother was distant with me, like she couldn't take the chance of getting close. It hurt so much when he left. He abandoned me, simply walked out. I was hurt, angry, confused. I don't really know why he left. He never even took the time to tell me why." B'Elanna fell silent, and continued to watch the stars.  
  
"Lieutenant--"  
  
B'Elanna cut him off. "I don't want to talk anymore, Tuvok. No more."  
  
Tuvok paused, debating whether he should try to continue. He decided it would not be logical and nodded. "Very well. Close your eyes and focus on the emotions our discussion has evoked."  
  
  
  
B'Elanna was exhausted when she returned to her quarters later that night. The meditation sessions always took a lot of energy out of her, physical and emotional. She changed into her maroon pajamas and sank into her bed, glad that she had the following day off. She had been pulling a lot of double-shifts lately and needed to catch up on her sleep. She let her mind drift until she fell asleep.  
  
B'Elanna floated in a gray fog, undreaming, simply letting her mind exist. There were no sights, no sounds, only a sense of peace and solitude. Everything was relaxing, and the stress began to melt away.  
  
A scream ripped through her mind.  
  
B'Elanna's eyes flew open and she bolted out of bed, gasping for breath. Her heart hammered in her chest as she left the bedroom. Sweat broke out on her palms as she looked around her quarters for the source of the scream.  
  
She was alone.  
  
  
  
Tom looked at the chronometer for the twelfth time since entering the mess hall. B'Elanna was now forty minutes late for breakfast. He finally decided to go looking for her. "Computer: Location of B'Elanna Torres."  
  
The computer answered, "Jefferies tube twenty four alpha."  
  
Tom frowned in confusion. The last he knew, she was supposed to have the day off. He specifically recalled her telling him how much she was looking forward to it. He put his napkin on the table and went engineer-hunting.  
  
  
  
When he finally found her, she was up to her elbows in circuitry. B'Elanna was completely oblivious to Tom's presence until he cleared his throat. B'Elanna jumped, smacking her head against the top of the tube in the process. She rubbed her head and asked, "Tom? What are you doing here?"  
  
"B'Elanna, we were supposed to do battle with some pancakes, not gelpacks, remember?" he gently chided her.  
  
B'Elanna's jaw dropped. "What time is it?" she demanded.  
  
Tom grinned. He knew she had lost track of the time. "Ten-twenty hours."  
  
B'Elanna closed her eyes briefly before saying, "Tom, I am so sorry. I didn't realize it was so late. I would never--"  
  
Tom put a finger to her lips, quieting her. "B'Elanna, don't worry. I'm a little disappointed, yes, and I may have to go to sickbay to have the Doc fix my poor, bruised ego, but I can survive. What happened? You were supposed to be off today. "  
  
B'Elanna looked back to her circuits, fiddling with a gelpack. "It's just... I... I didn't sleep well last night."  
  
"Nightmares?"  
  
"I don't know. I guess so. I don't really remember. I just... woke up. I only had slept for about an hour. But I couldn't get back to sleep. So I came here. I figured after I got tired I'd leave, but..." She shrugged and turned back to her circuits, fiddling with a loose wire.  
  
"But you didn't get tired," Tom finished. He sighed and held his hand out to her. "Come on. Let's go get breakfast. I have to be on the bridge at thirteen hundred, so after we eat, you can come back here, go to bed, whatever." Translation: no hard feelings.  
  
B'Elanna smiled and took Tom's hand, letting him lead her out of the Jefferies tube.  
  
  
  
The morning had been fairly quiet on Voyager. The systems had all seemed to be running smoothly, until Harry Kim started running some standard calculations at ops. Suddenly...  
  
Zsst! "Ow! God…!"  
  
Janeway and Chakotay spun in their seats to look at the Ensign, who was shaking a hand vigorously and glaring at his console. Chakotay bit his lip to keep from laughing while the Captain asked, "Ensign Kim, are you all right?"  
  
Harry smiled sheepishly. "A little shocked, Captain." He addressed the computer, "Computer: run a level 1 diagnostic on the ops station."  
  
The computer blipped and stated, "The ops station is malfunctioning."  
  
Kim asked, "Cause of the malfunction?"  
  
The computer repeated, "The ops station is malfunctioning."  
  
Harry looked at the Captain and deadpanned, "Captain, I believe the ops station is malfunctioning."  
  
Janeway smiled wryly, "I gathered that." She tapped a button on the arm of her chair and said, "Janeway to Engineering."  
  
"Torres here, Captain," B'Elanna's voice rang out.  
  
"Lieutenant, the ops station is malfunctioning," Janeway told her.  
  
"Cause of the malfunction?" B'Elanna asked.  
  
Janeway almost laughed. She felt like she was involved in the old skit Who's On First. "The Computer isn't giving any specifics, Lieutenant, but the console gave Ensign Kim a healthy jolt."  
  
There was a small pause in which Janeway swore she could hear muffled laughter. B'Elanna finally said, "I'm on my way. Torres out."  
  
Janeway turned back to Harry. "Do you need to go to sickbay, Ensign?"  
  
Harry looked at his hand. "No, Captain. I'm just a little... singed around the edges."  
  
"Well, why don't you begin running some scans while we're waiting for-" The turbolift doors swished open and Lt. Torres stepped out. "For Lt. Torres," the Captain finished. "That was quick."  
  
The half-Klingon glared at Harry. "What did you do to it?" she barked.  
  
Harry's eyes widened under the glare of the woman. "I didn't do anything! I swear I didn't!" he stammered.  
  
B'Elanna gave a smile that didn't quite reach her tired eyes. "Calm down, Starfleet. I know you wouldn't do anything... on purpose, at least." She pulled out a tricorder and scanned the surface of the station. She pulled off a panel underneath and scanned the contents. "Harry, hand me my microcalibrator, will you?"  
  
Kim dug through the engineering kit she brought and handed her the tool. B'Elanna gently pushed back various components and used the microcalibrator on an electrostatic transducer. After a few seconds she stood up and told the computer to run a level 1 diagnostic. The computer replied, "The ops station is functioning normally."  
  
Harry breathed a sigh of relief. "Thanks. I know you were probably busy with other duties."  
  
B'Elanna put her microcalibrator away and snapped the case shut. "Actually, Ensign, not really. I've gotten a lot of the minor repairs finished over the past few days. I needed something new to do."  
  
"Well, thank you anyway." Harry began his calculations again. Suddenly...  
  
Zsst. "Ow! God...!"  
  
Chakotay couldn't help it that time. He laughed out loud. B'Elanna shot him a look and he bit his lip to stop. She knelt back on the floor and pulled the panel off again. She called to Harry over her shoulder, "Go find another station to work at for now. And try not to mess that one up, okay?" Not seeing Harry's answering grin, she started to pull apart components one by one.  
  
  
  
There is an old axiom that says time flies when you're having fun. It seemed to B'Elanna, however, that she was in the eye of a time hurricane. While she worked, time stood still as the outside world proceeded at a lightening-fast pace. Shifts changed. New people came in to replace the old. At one point, she became vaguely aware of Tom Paris setting a plate with a sandwich next to her, and then sighing. The awareness disappeared and she returned to her world of calculations, diodes, algorithms, and gelpacks.  
  
She was "awoken" from her reverie by a touch at her shoulder. "B'Elanna," the voice prodded.  
  
B'Elanna looked up into the brown eyes of the First Officer. "Yes?" she asked.  
  
Chakotay shook his head. "Lieutenant, don't you think it's time for you to go get some sleep?"  
  
The mere mention of sleep caused a small wave of panic to rise. B'Elanna quickly pushed it back and informed her friend, "I haven't been here very long."  
  
Chakotay's eyebrows rose. "Only 26 hours, Lieutenant." He noted that B'Elanna seemed genuinely surprised at the amount of time that had passed, indicating how immersed the Engineer had been in her work.  
  
B'Elanna put her arms down to brace herself while she stood, and put one hand on a sandwich. She looked dumbly at it, trying to recall where it came from. She closed her eyes as the image of Tom bringing it to her floated into her mind. She missed another meal date. "I'm going, Chakotay," she told the man. "All of this," she said, gesturing to the numerous components littering the floor, "is going to have to be scanned and examined and there's at least another dozen components that need to pulled out. It'll be a while before we can figure out exactly what is wrong and get it fixed."  
  
"How long?" Chakotay inquired.  
  
B'Elanna calculated before answering, "Two days minimum."  
  
He nodded. "Okay. We'll have a staff meeting tomorrow morning and you can update the senior staff. I'll inform the Captain. For now, though, go to bed."  
  
B'Elanna smiled. "No argument here." She gathered her kit and went into the turbolift. "Deck 9," she ordered. But as the turbolift proceeded to the requested destination, B'Elanna felt her pulse slowly increasing and her throat closing up. The scream that she had been hearing started to echo in her mind before she ordered the turbolift to halt. "Computer: new destination. Engineering." Perhaps she and Carey could get some work on the ops problem done from there.  
  
  
  
Janeway looked around the briefing room as her senior staff walked in. Chakotay, the first in, walked over and began talking about the duty roster. A few adjustments were discussed and changes were made. Tuvok then entered, stolid as ever. The Captain didn't think she had seen her old friend do anything other than glide into the room, go to his seat, adjust his chair a millimeter or two, and then sit without fidgeting to make himself more comfortable. Thus are the constants in my universe, Janeway thought to herself. Her eyes then fell on B'Elanna, who was next to enter the room. She seemed to move slowly, with less energy than usual. Her eyes were shadowed and distant. Tom Paris followed right behind the Chief Engineer and took his customary seat at her side. Tom passed B'Elanna a PADD with recent navigational readings, brushing her hand lightly with his. Janeway smiled at this small gesture.  
  
Harry Kim entered next, with his youthful exuberance and energy. Seeing his two friends, he said, "Hey, guys!" Janeway's smile fell as she saw B'Elanna jump in her seat. Tom looked at B'Elanna with concern written on his face. B'Elanna shrugged at him and went back to looking at the navigational readings.  
  
Janeway sighed and, seeing that the senior staff had all gathered, began the meeting. Motioning to Torres, she said, "The meeting is all yours, Lieutenant."  
  
B'Elanna was still looking at the PADD when Tom coughed slightly, catching her attention. She noticed that the rest of the staff was staring at her expectantly and she stood. "As you should all know by now, we have a malfunction in the ops station, which is why it is currently cluttering up my engine room instead of the bridge."  
  
Chuckles arose from the table at the woman's ire. Janeway asked, "Have you found the cause?"  
  
B'Elanna nodded. "Lt. Carey and I have spent some time working on this and we believe we've discovered the cause. B'Elanna began to walk around the table, gesturing as she talked. "In the ops station, there are several resonators that all interact not just with the other components around them, but also with their environment. When the environment undergoes an unexpected change, the resonators are briefly knocked off their standard frequency."  
  
Harry interjected, "Which caused them to release an electric charge."  
  
"No," B'Elanna shook her head and walked behind him, possibly so he could hear her explanation better. "It caused them to be 'stunned,' which caused a buildup in static energy in the electrostatic transducers. And not only does it release the energy in a charge, or shock, as our Ensign here experienced," she said, patting his shoulder, "but the resonators are so... confused, I guess you'd call it, that they cycle the energy again, which is what caused the delay between discharges. It had probably been releasing the energy directly into the air, until Harry decided to really work his controls."  
  
Janeway smiled. "Okay, we know the cause. How are we going to repair the malfunction?"  
  
"This is what is going to take some time, Captain. Before we can repair the resonators, the transducers, and any other number of components that have been affected, we have to find out the exact change in frequency that occurred and when it happened." B'Elanna walked back to her chair and sat.  
  
"Recommendations?" Janeway asked.  
  
B'Elanna looked straight at her and replied, "Go around nebulas from now on, Captain. That's where we believe the problem occurred."  
  
"But we got out of that last nebula over a week ago," Tom protested.  
  
B'Elanna shot him a look. "It's a slow nebula. Most mess with our systems right away. This one decided to wait a little bit before giving us problems." She turned back to Janeway. "I have Seven of Nine going through all of the astrometrical data during our time in the nebula. She should be able to find the change in frequency."  
  
Harry's jaw slacked slightly. "That's eight days worth of data."  
  
B'Elanna shrugged. "It'll keep her out of trouble."  
  
Janeway stood. "Okay. It sounds like you have this problem under control. I'll expect a report updating me on your progress tomorrow afternoon, even if you haven't completely solved this problem yet." At B'Elanna's answering nod, she motioned to the rest of the table. "Dismissed."  
  
After the meeting, Janeway decided to talk to B'Elanna. "Lt. Torres, can I talk with you for a moment?"  
  
B'Elanna furrowed her brow, and answered. "Of course, Captain. What can I do for you?"  
  
Janeway waited until the last of her staff had left before saying, "First off, Lieutenant, I just wanted to tell you that you are doing a wonderful job with this problem. I didn't quite expect results this quickly."  
  
B'Elanna tried to take the praise graciously. "Thank you, Captain." Then she noticed the look on Janeway's face, which indicated that the Captain was holding back. "Is that all?"  
  
"No, actually, it isn't." Janeway decided to come right out with what she was thinking. "B'Elanna, I'm concerned about you."  
  
B'Elanna was slightly startled. This wasn't what she expected. "Captain?"  
  
"Sit down, Lieutenant." B'Elanna sat. "You seem...distracted lately. Tired, jumpy. Frankly, this isn't like you, B'Elanna. Is there something wrong? Anything I can help you with?"  
  
B'Elanna looked down at the table. "I'm just...tired, Captain. I've been having problems sleeping. That's all."  
  
"Are you sure that's all?" Janeway prodded, indicating that she didn't believe that it was all.  
  
"Yes, Captain." B'Elanna wouldn't offer any more than she had already said.  
  
Janeway eyed her speculatively for a few seconds before replying, "Alright. You're dismissed." B'Elanna gave a relieved sigh and began to rise. "But B'Elanna, see the Doctor next time you can't sleep instead of spending 18 hours working in Jefferies tubes or pulling triple shifts in Engineering." Janeway smiled a wry, knowing smile.  
  
B'Elanna began to leave, but stopped and turned back to the Captain. "I'm fine, Captain. I'm alright. Please believe me."  
  
  
  
"I'm alright. I'm fine. Just believe that. I'm alright. I'm fine. Just believe that." It had become B'Elanna's nightly mantra as she checked her closet, her bathroom... everywhere she could think to look for the source of the scream. Night after night she was awoken from sleep by it. Night after night she searched for it. Night after night she came up empty handed.  
  
B'Elanna thought that maybe she should have told Janeway the complete truth about her insomnia, about the screams. But the Captain would have relieved her of duty. B'Elanna wouldn't be able to handle that. Her work was one of the only things she had left that kept her sane. Work and Tom.  
  
B'Elanna ran her shaking hands through her hair. She thought of going to Engineering to take another look at the sensors, or even working in her quarters, when she remembered what the Captain had said, "See the Doctor next time you can't sleep instead of spending 18 hours working in Jefferies tubes or pulling triple shifts in Engineering."  
  
Knowing resistance was futile, B'Elanna decided to take Janeway's advice.  
  
  
  
The Doctor looked at his tricorder as he scanned B'Elanna. "How long has this been going on?"  
  
B'Elanna avoided his eyes as she answered, "About six days."  
  
"Six days! Lieutenant, may I remind you of the importance of a good night's sleep?" the Doctor huffed.  
  
B'Elanna rolled her eyes. "No, Doctor, you may not. That's why I came here. So I could get a good night's sleep. Are you going to help me or not?"  
  
The Doctor sighed. He rifled through some drawers, procured a hypospray and handed it to B'Elanna. "My scans have shown nothing wrong with you. Just some mild stress, which could be either a cause of or an effect of your insomnia. If you continue to have problems sleeping, use this hypospray once a night. No more," the Doctor emphasized. "If you use it more than that, we'll have to plant you with the rest of the vegetables in the hydroponics bay. I'll give you four days, Lieutenant. If you're still having problems after that, come back and we'll run more detailed scans." Sensing B'Elanna was ready to leave and ignore him, he added, "Not six days, not five, four. I'm being gracious with that estimate. You are approaching sleep deprivation. You've gotten approximately...ten, twelve hours of sleep? Over the past six days. If this keeps up, you could be endangering yourself and the ship, since you insist on working. Understand?"  
  
"Completely, Doctor." B'Elanna hopped off the biobed.  
  
As she left sickbay, she heard the Doctor call, "Sweet dreams, Lieutenant."  
  
B'Elanna smiled. The Doctor wasn't too bad, really. He just had a few loose algorithms floating around in his databanks. But who didn't? She began to go back to her quarters, but instead got another idea. "Computer: when did Ensign Paris go off shift?"  
  
"Twenty two hundred hours." Five minutes ago. B'Elanna turned and went to Tom's quarters. If she was going to get some sleep, she was going to be comfortable. She rang his chime and smiled as the doors slid open with Tom standing in front of her.  
  
"B'Elanna!" he exclaimed, surprised. "Don't you have an early shift? You should be trying to get some sleep."  
  
B'Elanna smiled as she stepped inside. "I switched shifts with Carey. I've got the second shift instead of the first. Tom, I want to sleep with you."  
  
Tom leaned against the doorway. His trademark cocky grin slowly spread across his face. "Why, Lieutenant," he drawled. "Aren't we a little forward this evening... propositioning officers of lesser rank and all."  
  
B'Elanna shot him an exasperated look. "Oh, stuff it, Paris. You know what I mean."  
  
Tom stepped back from the doorway. His manner turned serious. "Of course you can sleep here, B'Elanna. You know you are always welcome."  
  
"Thanks, Tom. I have help tonight, though." She held up the hypospray.  
  
"You went to see the Doctor?" Tom was surprised. B'Elanna usually avoided sickbay like she was avoiding the plague.  
  
"Yes."  
  
Tom waited for her to continue. When she didn't, he asked, "What did he say?"  
  
She shrugged. "Insomnia. Stress. Nothing too unusual."  
  
Tom put an arm around her shoulders and gave her a gentle squeeze as he led her to the bedroom. He waited while she administered the hypospray and changed into pajamas. "Should I tell you a bedtime story?" he teased.  
  
B'Elanna stretched out on the bed and looked up at Tom. "How about a backrub instead?"  
  
"I can do that, too." B'Elanna turned over onto her stomach. Tom pushed her nightshirt up over her back. As he began to reach for her back, she shivered. "Tom, your hands are cold."  
  
Tom frowned and looked at his hands, which still hovered an inch above her. "I haven't touched you yet."  
  
B'Elanna shivered again. "I can still feel them. They're cold."  
  
"Complain, complain." Tom blew on his hands to warm them up and began massaging her back. Slowly, gently, he worked on each muscle, trying to relieve the knots of tension. And there were plenty of them. He didn't think he had ever seen her so tense. Even though he knew she wouldn't tell him anything, since she hated to talk about personal problems, he thought he'd ask anyway. "B'Elanna, are you sure everything's alright? You know you can always tell me anything." No response. "B'Elanna?" He looked down at her. She was fast asleep. Tom smiled. Hopefully she would get some rest now. He gave her a gentle kiss on the top of her head. He set the alarm, turned out the lights, and spooned himself around her, holding her close.  
  
  
  
The screaming started again. Only this time, B'Elanna couldn't get away from it. Something wouldn't let her wake up. She was forced to listen to the woman's cry, that of a wounded animal, a raw sound. The woman was in pain. B'Elanna tried to move towards her, to help her, but she found herself rooted to the floor. She couldn't bear to listen to the sound any longer. B'Elanna tried to run, to hide, but couldn't move. B'Elanna struggled against the restraining force, trying to escape.  
  
  
  
Tom woke up when he felt B'Elanna struggling in his arms. He stroked her hair, making soothing noises. He hoped she would calm down and go back to sleep. God knows she needed the rest. Instead of settling down, however, her eyes sprang open and B'Elanna frantically twisted out of Tom's embrace. Tom heard her whisper, "Computer: 10% illumination." Tom slowly sat up, blinking his eyes at the mild lights. "B'Elanna, why don't you try to go back to sleep?"  
  
"No!" she replied desperately.  
  
The tone of her voice forced him more fully awake. "What's wrong? B'Elanna, honey, what's wrong?"  
  
"Nothing," she choked out.  
  
Then Tom noticed what B'Elanna was doing. She was walking around his quarters looking under furniture, in the closets, inspecting the replicator. "B'Elanna? What are you doing?"  
  
"I'm looking," B'Elanna replied, pulling up the cushions on the sofa.  
  
Tom quickly glanced at the rest of his quarters from the doorway of the bedroom. Nothing seemed out of place... "For what?"  
  
"Nothing. Anything. Just...help me look." So Tom helped her look. He had no idea what he was looking for, but he looked. For her. Neither of them spoke until B'Elanna asked the computer to run diagnostics on all systems in his quarters. When she finally stopped looking, she began to change back into her uniform.  
  
"Where are you going?" Tom asked.  
  
"Engineering. Since I'm awake, I figure I might as well try to get some work done." B'Elanna pulled on her boots and stood.  
  
"B'Elanna..." Tom began. He had no idea what to say.  
  
B'Elanna gave him a quick kiss. "Bye, Tom," she called on her way out the door.  
  
Tom was stunned. He had never seen her act so... paranoid before. Obviously she was still having nightmares. About what, he couldn't even guess. Every time he asked, she shrugged him off. Tom thought for a minute and then said, "Computer: What is the time?"  
  
"Twenty three hundred nineteen hours."  
  
B'Elanna had only been in his quarters for a little over an hour.  
  
  
  
Tuvok sat in front of his meditation lamp. Lieutenant Torres was due to meet him for a meditation session in fifteen minutes. He concentrated on the flame, organizing his thoughts, and searching for words that would help the chief engineer calm even her most severe emotional reactions. After all their meditation sessions together, he felt that the Lieutenant was improving satisfactorily.  
  
The chirp of his commbadge interrupted Tuvok's thoughts. He tapped it. "Go ahead."  
  
Torres' voice rang out, "Commander, I'm sorry, but I'm really involved in a project in Engineering right now. Can we push back our meeting for, say, two hours?"  
  
"Agreed, Lieutenant," Tuvok replied after a moment's thought.  
  
"Thanks, Tuvok. I'll see you later." B'Elanna signed off.  
  
Tuvok rose and ordered a cup of Vulcan tea from the replicator. He sat at his desk and began to review security reports.  
  
An hour passed. Two hours. Three. Another forty minutes passed before he had to leave for the bridge.  
  
B'Elanna never came.  
  
  
  
Tom was going off-shift when Tuvok entered the bridge. Tuvok was the one other person on the ship whom he was sure that B'Elanna spent regular time with. Weekly as a matter of fact. He would be able to tell Tom if B'Elanna's behavior seemed out of place. As soon as the Tactical officer Tuvok reached his station and began logging in, Tom walked over and tried not to look too obvious.  
  
When Tom reached Tactical, Tuvok looked up at Tom's ambling approach and raised an eyebrow. "Ensign Paris, is there a purpose behind your seemingly irrelevant hovering?"  
  
Tom sighed. Busted. He decided to come right out and say what was on his mind. The Vulcan would probably appreciate it more than dancing around the subject. "Have you noticed anything... odd... about B'Elanna lately?"  
  
"Odd? Can you elaborate?" Tuvok asked, raising an eyebrow.  
  
Tom wasn't really sure how to describe it. He chose the next best word he could think of. "Acting.... unusual."  
  
Tuvok thought for a moment. "I do not believe that the Lieutenant has been acting in a manner out of the ordinary for her character. But I have not spent any significant amount of time in her company for six-point-zero-nine days."  
  
Tom thought a minute about B'Elanna's schedule and became confused. "I thought she had a meditation session scheduled last night."  
  
"The Lieutenant delayed for an Engineering project. She did not, however, appear at the rescheduled hour. I believe that she is still in Engineering." He paused. "However, the fact that she never contacted me to cancel our appointment is, in itself, unusual."  
  
"She's still in Engineering?! Tuvok, she went there at twenty-three-thirty hours yesterday!" Tom rubbed his eyes. Concern for B'Elanna was beginning to weigh on him, giving him a headache. "At your last meeting, did she say anything that might explain why she's acting the way she is?"  
  
"As I have stated before, I have not specifically seen her acting in an uncharacteristic manner. And although I can not divulge any specific information regarding our meditations in the interest of confidentiality, I can assure you that we did not discuss anything at our last session that we have not discussed before."  
  
Tom smiled weakly. "Thanks, Tuvok. I appreciate your help." Tom turned and left to go find B'Elanna.  
  
  
  
B'Elanna was, surprisingly, not where Tom had thought she'd be. When he got to Engineering, he was informed by Joe Carey that B'Elanna should be in the mess hall. Apparently the Engineering crew had held a minor mutiny and ousted their Chief, who was said to be cheerfully using "very creative language" on her way out the door to get a meal. Tom thanked Carey and began to leave. Carey's hand on his shoulder stopped him.  
  
"Take care of her Tom. Engineering is only as good as its chief. Everyone's been affected by whatever is bothering her," the Engineer told Tom solemnly.  
  
Tom nodded at him. "I know, Joe. Believe me, I know. But I'm glad that someone other than me has finally noticed a problem."  
  
Tom left Engineering and headed to the mess hall. The late hour had cleared most of the crew from the room, so he easily spotted B'Elanna, who was sitting at a table covered with fifteen or twenty PADDs, accepting a coffee refill from Neelix. He then strode to her table and leaned nonchalantly against it, trying to catch her attention. When she didn't look up from the PADD she was reading, he said, "Better not drink too much of Neelix's coffee. It'll have you running laps around the ship at warp 7."  
  
B'Elanna jumped at the sound of his voice. She looked up and a smile broke across her face. "Tom!" she exclaimed, then frowned. "What are you doing here?"  
  
Tom slapped a hand across his chest as though he had been struck in the heart. He put forward his best shocked face and moaned, "What a greeting! I come to visit the one woman in the universe whose beauty is ethereal, whose intelligence is unparalleled, whose eyes are as sparkling as diamonds, whose--"  
  
"Tom, do you have a point?" B'Elanna leaned back in her seat, a small reluctant smile poking at the edges of her mouth.  
  
Tom fluttered his eyes at her and grinned. "Yes, B'Elanna. My point is, since when would I need a reason to visit such a magnificent creature?"  
  
"Since you got off shift about a half an hour or so ago and you should be asleep," she pointed out.  
  
Tom lost his smile and said softly, "I could say the same for you, B'Elanna." B'Elanna's eyes were bloodshot and sunken. The golden skin that had always seemed molded to her face was now stretched painfully across her bones and was so pale as to be translucent. Tom forced the smile back on his face so he wouldn't spook B'Elanna and told her, "Actually, I was just talking to a grumpy Vulcan. He said that you stood him up for last night's date, hmmm?"  
  
B'Elanna dropped the PADD and put her face in her hands. "Oh, God," she mumbled. "I can't believe I forgot. Was Tuvok inconvenienced?"  
  
Tom slowly shook his head, again losing the smile. "No. Just concerned. Like the rest of us. Why did you postpone in the first place, B'Elanna? That's not like you. None of this is like you."  
  
B'Elanna looked away from Tom, unable to meet his eyes. "I had an experiment I had to finish up in Engineering."  
  
He couldn't believe that was her excuse. "B'Elanna, please! You've been in Engineering for about a week straight. Why did you really skip out on Tuvok?"  
  
An angry spark flared to life beneath the glaze of fatigue in B'Elanna's dark eyes. "Are you implying that I'm lying?"  
  
Tom sighed and turned away briefly. This whole conversation wasn't going like he planned, although he wasn't sure exactly how he had planned for it to go. He turned back to B'Elanna, his pain evident in his eyes. "I don't know what I'm implying. Maybe you were just playing hooky. Maybe you didn't realize you were doing it. But deep down, I think you know that you were really hiding from him."  
  
"Hiding? Hah." B'Elanna let out a little snort at that statement, ignoring Tom's expression. "Why would I want to hide from Tuvok?"  
  
"Because if anybody besides me would notice how run-down you look, how odd you're acting, it would be Tuvok. And he would have you relieved of duty and in sickbay so fast you wouldn't be able to say 'warp coil.' And that's what really scares you: the thought of being found out." Tom hated calling her out on the carpet like this, but it needed to be done, for her sake.  
  
B'Elanna, for her part, seethed in her chair, eyes now fully ablaze with anger. "My behavior," she hissed, "is none of your business. You have no right to make any comment on my behavior. And you should be one to talk," she scoffed. She began collecting her PADDs quickly, briefly scanning each before she put them in a pile.  
  
Ignoring the jibe, he moved closer to her, making sure she heard every word. "I don't have the right...?! I care for you enough to know what's normal for you, and believe me, this is not normal. B'Elanna, listen to me!" Tom broke off as he noticed her picking up each one of the PADDs again and re-scanning the contents, growing increasingly distressed. "What's wrong?"  
  
B'Elanna's breathing had become ragged and shallow. "It's got to be here!" she gasped. "It has to be!"  
  
The rapid change in B'Elanna startled Tom for a second. "B'Elanna, what?"  
  
She fumbled with the PADDs even faster, knocking some of them onto the floor in her haste. She dropped to her knees, not even bothering to pick the PADDs up, simply pushing and shoving through them, looking for the one PADD she couldn't find. "My report. I have a report for the Captain on one of these and I have to find it! I have to get it to her!"  
  
Tom dropped to the floor next to her and grabbed her wrists. "B'Elanna, stop it! It's a report! Don't worry about it. You're going to hurt yourself!"  
  
B'Elanna struggled with him. "You don't understand! I have to find this report. I have to get it to the Captain." She pulled her hands loose and stood quickly, returning to rummaging through the PADDs left on the table.  
  
"B'Elanna," Tom began.  
  
"Engineering!" she gasped, cutting him off. "It's in Engineering!" B'Elanna quickly turned and ran out of the mess hall, nearly knocking several crewmembers in her way.  
  
Tom ran after her, calling to Neelix before he got out the door, "Call sickbay! Tell the Doc to meet us in Engineering immediately!"  
  
Although B'Elanna hadn't done much serious running in nine or ten years, she was still fast. She beat Tom to Engineering by a large margin. When he got there, he saw Carey and the rest of the engineers standing, staring at their Chief with stunned expressions. B'Elanna was at full panic mode now, ransacking her own work area looking for the renegade PADD, all the while screaming at her crew, accusing one of them of stealing it, of sabotaging her repair efforts, and a variety of other offenses. Tom silently walked up behind her while her back was turned and grabbed her arm. B'Elanna swung around and slapped him across the face. The crack echoed across Engineering.  
  
B'Elanna stood absolutely still, completely in shock at what she had done. Tom wrapped a hand around her arm again slowly. "B'Elanna, you've got to come with me."  
  
His voice reached B'Elanna and she began to twist out of his grasp violently. "Let go of me!" she told him through gritted teeth.  
  
Tom held on and, moving behind her, locked her in an embrace that kept her arms in front of her, where she couldn't reach him. "B'Elanna, calm down," he told the woman.  
  
B'Elanna found herself in a full force grip that she couldn't break out of. She twisted and moved but couldn't cause him to loose his grip. "Let me go!" she screamed ferally.  
  
Tom wouldn't let go. "No, B'Elanna! You need to stop struggling. You're only going to hurt yourself."  
  
B'Elanna began sucking in large gulps of air, sounding like sobs. "Let me go! Let me go! Let me go!" She began sobbing in earnest. It killed Tom to hear it, but he couldn't let her go on like that. Finally, the Doctor strode through the doors of Engineering and immediately noticed the problem. He came over to them and began rummaging through his med-kit. B'Elanna's eyes widened as she saw him bring out a hypospray. "No! Please don't!" she pleaded. "I'll do what you say, just please don't sedate me!" The Doctor ignored her protests and injected her with a sedative. She slowly stilled and after a few seconds, her eyes closed and she slumped in Tom's arms.  
  
Tom sighed with relief. He looked up at the Doctor and said, "Thanks, Doc. I was starting to lose my grip." He looked at B'Elanna's face, frozen with panic, as the Doctor called for a beam-out to sickbay.  
  
  
  
Captain Janeway walked to sickbay at a blistering pace. She had been informed three hours earlier that B'Elanna Torres had been taken to sickbay, but the problems on the bridge had prevented her from finding out what was wrong with her Chief Engineer until now. The sickbay doors hissed open and Janeway scanned the main area. She saw B'Elanna and Tom sitting on the farthest biobed from the door, with their backs to her. Tom had one arm around B'Elanna and she was leaning on him. Rather than interrupting them, Janeway decided to talk to the Doctor. Spotting him in his office, she walked over and greeted him. The Doctor looked up from his readings. "Ah, Captain. I'm assuming you're here because of Lt. Torres?"  
  
"Yes, Doctor. How is she doing?"  
  
The Doctor sighed and shook his head. "Not well, I'm afraid. Her condition has worsened significantly since I last saw her, almost two days ago."  
  
The Captain sat in a chair across from the Doctor. "What was your diagnosis?"  
  
"Then? Simple insomnia. But upon further review of her symptoms, I've concluded that my original diagnosis was in error." The hologram bowed his head slightly.  
  
"In error?" The Doctor wasn't one to admit this lightly. "Doctor, please elaborate."  
  
The Doctor held up a hand, motioning for her to pause. "I will, but I have a question for you first. Has anything traumatic happened to Lt. Torres in the past few weeks? Problems on an away mission, for example? Something that could potentially have been lethal or psychologically threatening? Something I wouldn't have been notified about?"  
  
Janeway frowned in confusion. "No, Doctor. B'Elanna hasn't been on an away mission in some time. We've been on mostly food-gathering missions lately and her skills were better utilized on the ship. Why? Has something happened to her?"  
  
The Doctor stood up and began pacing. "Captain, what I originally diagnosed as insomnia, upon further investigation, I now believe to be Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Something has happened to B'Elanna, but I can't pinpoint the cause."  
  
Janeway was shocked. "Post Traumatic Stress Disorder? Doctor, how did you come to that diagnosis?"  
  
"Observation of the Lieutenant and discussion with both her and Ensign Paris. The symptoms she's been displaying almost reads like a checklist. The amount and severity of her symptoms is so high, in fact, that I'm ashamed that I didn't notice them until now." The Medical Officer began checking the symptoms off on his fingers. "She's been displaying severe insomnia, anxiety attacks, hypervigilance, exaggerated startle reflexes, paranoia, in--"  
  
She frowned. "Are you certain it's really that severe? Surely more of us would have noticed..."  
  
The Doctor shrugged. "Go see for yourself," he said, gesturing. "Walk over to her."  
  
Captain Janeway did as she was instructed. Since they had their backs to her, she was forced to walk around the biobed, right next to B'Elanna. The moment she appeared in B'Elanna's peripheral vision, B'Elanna jerked hard in Tom's grasp. Tom was keeping a firm grip on her, with one arm around her shoulders and the other hand holding both of hers in her lap. B'Elanna looked at Janeway with such wild-eyed fear that Janeway immediately regretted her reckless action.  
  
"I'm sorry," Janeway apologized. "I didn't mean to sneak up on you like that." B'Elanna took several deep breaths to regain control over her erratic heart rate and leaned her head back on Tom's shoulder. Tom reached up with the hand that was around her shoulders to gently stroke B'Elanna's hair. She seemed to calm a little more easily. "I wanted to see how you were doing, B'Elanna," Janeway told her, taking care to speak softly.  
  
B'Elanna sighed and closed her eyes. "Not very well, Captain. I'm not sure what's happening to me."  
  
Tom nudged her. When she looked at him, he said, "You should tell her what you told me." At her look of disbelief, he added, "I'm serious, B'Elanna. She might know how to help you. And it would be better if she understands what's going on."  
  
B'Elanna's tired eyes met Janeway's for a second before she looked down and away. "I was afraid to tell anyone, Captain. I was afraid I'd be relieved of duty. But now that I already am..." She didn't continue her thought.  
  
Janeway leaned closer to her. "B'Elanna, I understand if you don't want to tell me what's wrong. Understand, though, that we may be able to help you, but only if you can tell us everything you know. It's your choice. Whatever you tell us, though, I promise to keep in the strictest confidence."  
  
B'Elanna looked indecisive enough that Janeway thought she wasn't going to say anything. Then suddenly B'Elanna mumbled, "I've been hearing things."  
  
"What?" Janeway flinched at the accusation in that question. "What have you been hearing?"  
  
"I've been hearing screams. In my head. Whenever I try to go to sleep, the screaming starts. And it only stops when I wake up." B'Elanna squeezed her eyes shut, as though trying to block out the memory.  
  
"Do you know who it is?"  
  
"No. She just won't go away. And I can't help her." A single tear broke from B'Elanna's eyes and trickled down her cheek.  
  
That lone tear brought everything into perspective for Janeway. This wasn't a hallucination or a dream. This was real. "When did you first hear the scream?"  
  
B'Elanna didn't respond. Finally Tom answered for her. "The night of her last meditation with Tuvok. I've already talked with him and both he and B'Elanna insist that they didn't talk about anything they hadn't before. Elaborated on some details, but nothing new."  
  
Janeway thought for a moment. "Maybe it's the details that are causing the problem. Maybe she's remembered something that she's been trying to ignore. It's too bad that we don't know what was said." She paused, thinking about Tuvok. "Doctor, would a mindmeld be of any help?"  
  
The Doctor shook his head. "Absolutely not. Her emotional state is such that Tuvok would be at extreme risk for injury if he participated in a mindmeld. As Chief Medical Officer, I would not allow it. Plus, her treatment would be most effective if she remembers...whatever she needs to remember... on her own. We can lead her in the direction she needs to go, but she has to take the final steps."  
  
"The logs, Captain," B'Elanna spoke up.  
  
"Excuse me?"  
  
B'Elanna opened her eyes again and glanced at the Captain. "Commander Tuvok has been keeping audio logs of our sessions, so I can meditate on them at a later point in time, if I wish. Everything that has been said at our sessions is recorded."  
  
The Captain and the Doctor looked at each other. The Doctor raised his eyebrows and shrugged. "That would be as good as anything. It's a place to start at least."  
  
Janeway nodded and looked back to B'Elanna. "B'Elanna, do I have your permission to look at these logs?"  
  
"Captain, if you can figure out what is happening to me, you can have anyone you want listen to them. You can even let the Borg listen to them, for all I care," she said, rolling her eyes at the stupidity of the question.  
  
Moving slowly so B'Elanna could follow her movements and not be startled, Janeway put a hand on one of hers and squeezed it gently, showing her support. "Thank you, B'Elanna. Tom, I'd like you to listen to them with me. You would probably be able to spot anything unusual."  
  
Tom looked at B'Elanna, searching her face before looking back at the Captain. "Captain, I don't know if I should leave B'Elanna right now."  
  
"Go, Tom." He looked down into B'Elanna's eyes. "I'll be fine. The Doctor will watch me. Go."  
  
Tom stroked her cheek with his thumb and gave her a quick, gentle kiss. "Okay. I'll be only a comm signal away."  
  
The Doctor stepped closer. "I'm going to sedate the Lieutenant while you're gone."  
  
B'Elanna's eyes widened in desperation and she shook her head vigorously. "Please, no. Anything, but...please."  
  
"Lieutenant," the Doctor spoke gently to her. "I'm going to suppress some of your brain waves while you are asleep in an effort to keep your... visions at bay."  
  
"What if...what if it doesn't work? What if they come while I'm asleep and I can't wake up? Tom?" B'Elanna's voice began to rise in panic.  
  
"B'Elanna, I'll be here when you wake up. I'll be here to help you then, okay?" Tom cringed at the meager reassurances he could give her. B'Elanna bowed her head and waited as the Doctor pressed the hypospray to her neck. Tom held her hand as she fell asleep.  
  
The Doctor turned to Tom. "I'm going to suppress her brain waves now, so you can leave. She won't wake up." As Tom turned to leave, the Doctor grabbed his arm. "It's important for you to realize that in order for any treatment to work, she has to remember on her own. You are just looking for the clues to help her."  
  
Tom nodded. "I'm not expecting it to be too hard, Doc. Something ought to jump out at us fairly quickly."  
  
  
  
Two hours later, Tom rubbed his eyes. He was having a hard time focusing on the task at hand. They had listened to all of the logs twice and hadn't found anything. For some reason, he had thought that the solution to B'Elanna's problem would just leap out and make itself known. Instead, the logs were being stubbornly silent. "I'm having trouble even remembering what we're trying to find," he joked sarcastically.  
  
The last words of B'Elanna's final meditation log echoed through the room. "I don't want to talk anymore, Tuvok. No more."  
  
Janeway leaned back in her seat and took a sip of her lukewarm coffee. "I understand. She was right, though. It is just like all the rest. Nothing new, nothing different. Maybe it's just coincidence that all this began with her last meditation."  
  
Tom shook his head. "I don't think so, Captain. Something is new, different. I can feel it." He opened his mouth to continue, but was interrupted by the door chime. The door opened as the Captain authorized the entrance of the visitor.  
  
Seven of Nine stepped through the doorway. "Captain. Am I interrupting you?"  
  
The Captain motioned for her to enter the room further. "No, Seven. Please come in. We could use the break."  
  
Seven of Nine handed a PADD to the Captain. "This is the data from astrometrics that I have been reviewing. As you can see, there is a slight variance between the two readings from time index 4.782 days into the nebula and time index 4.783 days into the nebula. At time index 4.784 days into the nebula, the readings return to normal."  
  
"You're right, Seven. I can see how we missed it so easily. Please send the needed information to Engineering, so Lt. Carey can begin repairs."  
  
Janeway slowly looked up from the PADD as an idea began to form. She looked at Paris, who was obviously getting the same idea. "She did say we could let the Borg listen to her logs."  
  
He shrugged in response. "I don't think that's quite what she had in mind, but I understand where you're going. I just wouldn't tell her exactly which Borg you chose. She probably wouldn't... um... react favorably if she knew."  
  
"Agreed." Janeway turned back to Seven of Nine. "I'm sure you've heard about Lieutenant Torres' problem. We believe that the problem stems from one of her meditations with Tuvok. We've listened to all her audio logs, however, and can't pinpoint anything unusual in them. The most recent is basically the same as all the others. No new information given, just elaboration on old topics. Could you listen with us, and see if there is anything we missed?"  
  
"Of course, Captain." Seven sat down and they proceeded to re-play all of the logs. There were about 12 different logs, and they took about an hour to listen to.  
  
After B'Elanna's voice trailed away at the end of the last log, Janeway and Paris looked at Seven expectantly. "Well?" Tom asked.  
  
Seven turned to look at Paris. "You are correct. There is no variation in content between any of the previous logs and this one."  
  
Janeway sighed. "It was worth a shot."  
  
"But why did Lieutenant Torres say 'Mama'?"  
  
Both Janeway and Paris were speechless. "What?" Janeway finally managed to croak out.  
  
Raising a silver brow, Seven now turned to look at Janeway. "In the final log, Lieutenant Torres uses the term 'Mama' once in reference to her mother. She does not use this term in reference in any of the other logs. I am curious as to why this is."  
  
Paris spoke to the computer. "Begin playback of final log."  
  
Everyone in the room listened to the voices of Tuvok and B'Elanna. Finally, they heard the words, "Mama fell."  
  
Tom paused the playback. "There it is. 'Mama fell.' Seven is right. It's not the content that changed, just the wording. She did speak of her mother's fall before, but she's never called her 'Mama.'"  
  
"So when Tuvok pressed her for details, it triggered the...memories? B'Elanna did say she heard someone screaming. Maybe it was a flashback to the fall. Her mother could have screamed as she fell."  
  
Tom stood up and started pacing. "No. Something's still not right. B'Elanna said she fell."  
  
Janeway nodded in agreement. "She said her mother fell down the stairs."  
  
Tom thought for a minute before going to Janeway's computer terminal. "Computer, is there any information on Kessik IV in the database?"  
  
"Affirmative."  
  
"Show us an image of a typical house from Kessik IV." Janeway and Seven both went to stand next to him as the computer displayed an image of a simple, one-story ranch with a slightly domed roof. Tom shook his head. "My mistake. Computer, show us an image of a typical two-story house."  
  
The computer answered emotionlessly, "No house with the stated parameters exist on Kessik IV."  
  
Tom turned slowly to stare at a wide-eyed Janeway. "Computer: are there any buildings that have more than one story, or a basement, on Kessik IV?"  
  
"Negative," the computer intoned.  
  
"Why?" he choked out.  
  
"Ground conditions make the building of underground structures unfeasible. High winds typical of Kessik IV make buildings taller than three meters highly unsafe," the computer told him in a cold tone.  
  
Janeway got over her shock enough to ask, "Why, then, did B'Elanna say that her mother fell down the stairs."  
  
Tom's face slowly grew white as he whispered, "She didn't say that her mother fell down the stairs. She said that her father told her that her mother fell down the stairs." His eyes closed as he continued, "Everything she said makes sense now." He opened his eyes. Her voice echoed in his head as he repeated her words. "'Daddy would often come home upset. Mother was always screaming at Daddy, and Daddy was yelling back. They tried to do it when I wasn't around, but I always heard. I always knew.' She knew, Captain. She could hear the screams, still hears the screams. Her mother wasn't screaming at her father. She was screaming because of her father." Tom walked out the door, followed by Janeway, leaving Seven of Nine behind in the ready room, who was unable to understand the significance of the words.  
  
  
  
Paris had taken off from the ready room as fast as he could go without running. Captain Janeway had to jog a little to catch up with him, saying as she reached him, "What are you going to tell her?"  
  
That stopped his headlong rush. "I'm not exactly sure, Captain. The Doctor said that she has to remember on her own. But what do I say? 'B'Elanna, was your father really a good man? Was your mother such a klutz that she managed to fall down stairs on a planet where they don't exist?'"  
  
Janeway put a comforting hand on his arm. "I understand that this is going to be hard for you, Tom. And her. But you have to do it. For her sake."  
  
He sighed. "I really wish that, for her sake, I didn't have to." They continued walking in silence.  
  
  
  
When they entered sickbay, Tom took a deep breath and said to the Doctor, "It's time to wake her."  
  
The Doctor raised his eyebrows. "You've found it, I gathered."  
  
"I wish we didn't." He went over to where B'Elanna lay and held her hand as the Doctor brought her out of her sleep.  
  
B'Elanna blinked a couple of times and Tom's face came into focus. B'Elanna sat up quickly and placed her head against his chest, listening to his heartbeat as he bent down slightly and embraced her. He tipped her chin up towards him and asked, "B'Elanna, are you okay?"  
  
"The screams were there, but they were quiet. I couldn't hear them very well." B'Elanna then realized what Tom's arrival meant. "You've found something?"  
  
Tom looked to Janeway for support, who nodded her encouragement. He looked back to B'Elanna, trying to steady his nerves before talking to her. "B'Elanna... when your mother fell, what do you remember?"  
  
B'Elanna blinked, not expecting this question. "This has to do with my mother?"  
  
Tom nodded. "We think so."  
  
B'Elanna's eyebrows knit together while she tried to recall the event. "Well, she was hurt pretty badly. She had to stay at the hospital for a few days."  
  
"When did it happen?" Tom asked.  
  
B'Elanna hesitated. "While I was at sch... school."  
  
Tom noticed her stutter. It had also occurred in the logs in several places. This very well could indicate an inconsistency in her own mind. It was time for the important question. "B'Elanna, how did your mother fall?"  
  
"She fell," B'Elanna told him, as though repeating her words to a child.  
  
"I know she fell, B'Elanna. How did she fall," he repeated himself.  
  
"She fell down the... down the stairs." B'Elanna's breathing had speeded up.  
  
"Who told you that?" Tom asked.  
  
"Daddy did. Daddy told me." B'Elanna couldn't understand why he was asking these questions.  
  
Tom asked, even though he already knew the answer, "B'Elanna, were there any stairs in your house on Kessik?"  
  
"No, there weren't." She jumped off the biobed and began pacing like a caged tiger. "There must have been. She fell down the stairs. I know she fell down the stairs."  
  
Tom also got off the biobed and walked over to B'Elanna. "B'Elanna, how did she fall?"  
  
"I was asleep. How would I know?"  
  
This new information told Tom she was remembering. "B'Elanna," he continued gently, "You said you were at school."  
  
B'Elanna's eyes grew unfocused as she processed his words. "I was, I mean...no. I wasn't. I was home, asleep. I was asleep. I didn't hear anything," she emphasized.  
  
"B'Elanna, how did she fall?" Tom repeated.  
  
"I DON'T KNOW!" she screamed at him. The Doctor made a move towards them, but Janeway shook her head at him. B'Elanna was so close.  
  
Tom knew that, too. He took one step closer to her and cupped her face with both of his hands, ignoring her struggle, forcing her to look at him. "How, B'Elanna? How did she fall?" B'Elanna shook her head no. "How? B'Elanna. How?"  
  
Tears leaked from her eyes. "I was supposed to be asleep."  
  
Tom wiped the tears away with his thumbs. "But you weren't."  
  
B'Elanna swallowed and shook her head. "No, I wasn't. I woke up because I heard her screaming."  
  
"Did she scream before?" Tom asked looking at the Captain out of the corner of his eye. The Captain was standing there motionless, one hand covering her mouth.  
  
B'Elanna hesitated and then nodded. "She screamed a lot. But she never screamed like that. It was just like the screams I've been hearing. The screams of an animal, not a person."  
  
Tom took a deep breath, trying unsuccessfully to hide his own emotions. "What did you do when you heard her?"  
  
B'Elanna shrugged her shoulders in a helpless gesture. "I was five, and too little to do anything. I couldn't do anything but bury my head under my blankets and try not to hear."  
  
"But you heard," he whispered.  
  
B'Elanna closed her eyes for a long second. "I always heard. But that night I couldn't ignore it. So I told myself that nothing happened. That nothing had ever happened."  
  
"What did happen, B'Elanna?" he asked softly.  
  
B'Elanna choked on her tears, which were now streaming down her cheeks in rivulets. "I heard glass break. I heard heavy slaps. Not the usual skin- on-skin sound, but a hard thud. I heard something hit the wall. The next morning I took myself to school, because Daddy had already gone to work and Mama...Mama wouldn't wake up. Oh, God, Tom! He was beating her! He beat her over and over and over and even her screams couldn't stop him. She was screaming so bad and I couldn't do anything!" B'Elanna broke off in great gulping sobs. "Why, Tom? Why wouldn't he stop?"  
  
Tom let go of her face and put his arms around her, keeping her close as she sobbed on his chest. "I don't know, B'Elanna. I don't know."  
  
  
  
Fourteen hours later, Tom and B'Elanna walked back to her quarters. B'Elanna had slept for thirteen of those hours, finally getting true rest without being awakened. She had stayed uncommonly silent as the Doctor ran a few final scans before releasing her to her quarters under Tom's care. The hologram's prescription was simple: talk about what had happened. B'Elanna was to talk to Tom, Tuvok, Chakotay, whoever she thought she could talk to about her experiences. The Doctor was also going to keep a close eye on her sleep, with the help of Tom Paris. B'Elanna had several days of leave to catch up on her sleep and, now that she could sleep again, was going to use them wisely.  
  
Tom guided B'Elanna to her sofa after entering her quarters. He found a blanket and tucked it close around her, before sitting down on the end of the couch. He tried not to, but he found himself staring at her.  
  
After a few seconds, his staring began to grow uncomfortable and she asked, "What?"  
  
Tom looked at his hands as he turned them over and back in his lap. "B'Elanna, I know you need to talk. And I understand completely if you don't want to talk to me."  
  
"What do you want to ask, Tom?"  
  
She knew him too well. "If this is too much, B'Elanna, please don't think I'm going to force you to answer, but I just wanted to know something. You've thought about searching for your father before. Now that you...know...about him, are you still going to?"  
  
B'Elanna sighed and moved closer to him. "I've been asking myself that. I really don't know. Part of me says absolutely not. The bastard can rot in hell for all I care."  
  
Tom could understand the sentiment. "And the other part of you?"  
  
B'Elanna looked towards the window, to the blackness of space. "I've tried searching for him before, and had no real luck. But part of me says that I should try looking for him. We know what he is. But maybe someone else doesn't know. Or maybe he's hurting someone else. I couldn't stop him before. Maybe I could stop him now."  
  
Tom nodded. "I understand."  
  
A corner of her mouth drew up in a slight smile. "I have decided that I want to find my mother again, make my peace with her."  
  
That surprised Tom. "To tell her you know?"  
  
"Yes, a little. To tell her I'm glad she drove my father away. But more importantly, to tell her that for the way she raised me, after he left. All the Klingon stuff, the honor and everything, well." She leaned her head on Tom's shoulder and closed her eyes as he put an arm around her. "To tell her I understand."  
  
  
  
Twenty-four years earlier.  
  
Miral looked in the mirror at the angry black and blue bruises covering her face. It had been nine days since she "fell," six days since she had been released from the hospital, but the old bruises had yet to fade. And now she had a few new ones.  
  
The beatings were becoming more frequent. Her low-power dermal regenerator wasn't enough to heal many of her injuries anymore. More often than not, she went to the medical clinic with a tale of falling, or bumping into something, or some other story that made doctors and nurses nod at her clumsiness, all the while knowing full well what really happened. And not doing anything about it. After all, she was the colony's Klingon. She could take care of herself.  
  
Her family was no help either. Miral had tried talking to her mother about it, but was quickly turned away. All the aging matriarch had said was that Miral must have done something to cause the beatings. It was Miral's choice to live with humans, to breed with humans, so Miral must deal with humans.  
  
So Miral would help herself.  
  
She knew it would be difficult. After all, she was Klingon. She knew battle stories, what it would look like. It would help that their home was on a small remote lake; no one was likely to be in the area. And tomorrow, after it was all over, she would clean house, clean away all the evidence of him. It would be difficult, but she would do what she had to. She had no regrets... but one.  
  
B'Elanna. As much of a bastard as he was, he was an absolutely wonderful father. And B'Elanna adored him. That was why she had taken great pains to make sure B'Elanna would believe he had simply walked out on them. Even now, a shuttle was leaving Kessik IV with him listed as a passenger. He would be listed as disembarking on Earth. In three day's time, he would be sending his resignation as a geologist to the Starfleet Civilian Authority, stating his intention to become a traveler, an explorer, a wanderer, and then he would leave Earth for the last time. It had cost Miral a lot of money, but she had had to do it, for B'Elanna's sake.  
  
He had begun losing his temper with B'Elanna lately. He never hit the girl, and Miral truly believed he would never lay a hand on her, but she couldn't take the chance, wouldn't take the chance. So B'Elanna had gone to bed earlier that evening knowing her father was still there, and would wake tomorrow to find him gone. Miral would then be able to teach her daughter how to be truly Klingon, with all the honor that went with it. And she would teach her daughter not to trust people easily. That was how Miral had gotten hurt. She knew B'Elanna would not have an easy time of it, but she loved her daughter very much and would do anything for her. Although she could never tell B'Elanna the truth about her father, she hoped that someday B'Elanna would understand.  
  
Taking one last look at her battered reflection in the mirror, Miral picked up her knife and went to where her husband lay sleeping, unknowing.  
  
  
  
The End  
  
  
  
  
  
Well she seemed all right by dawn's early light  
  
Though she looked a little worried and weak  
  
She tried to pretend he wasn't drinkin' again  
  
But Daddy'd left the proof on her cheek  
  
And I was only eight years old that summer  
  
And I always seemed to be in the way  
  
So I took myself down to the fair in town  
  
On Independence Day  
  
Well word gets around in a small, small town  
  
They said he was a dangerous man  
  
But Mama was proud and she stood her ground  
  
She knew she was on the losin' end  
  
Some folks whispered and some folks talked  
  
But everybody looked the other way  
  
And when time ran out there was no one about  
  
On Independence Day  
  
Let Freedom ring, let the white dove sing  
  
Let the whole world know that today is a  
  
Day of Reckoning  
  
Let the weak be strong, let the right be wrong  
  
Roll the stone away, let the guilty pay, it's  
  
Independence Day  
  
Well she lit up the sky that Fourth of July  
  
By the time that the firemen come  
  
They just put out the flames,  
  
And took down some names  
  
And send me to the county home  
  
Now I ain't sayin' it's right or it's wrong  
  
But maybe it's the only way  
  
Talk about your revolution  
  
It's Independence Day  
  
Let Freedom ring, let the white dove sing  
  
Let the whole world know that today is a  
  
Day of Reckoning  
  
Let the weak be strong, let the right be wrong  
  
Roll the stone away, let the guilty pay, it's  
  
Independence Day  
  
Roll the stone away  
  
It's Independence Day!  
  
  
  
-Martina McBride  
  
"Independence Day" 


End file.
